Help! Our Kids are Effecting Our Marriage

Life changes when you have kids. The money that you once had to take your partner out for a nice meal is now spent on diapers and baby food. Your weekends are filled with soccer games and dance recitals instead of date nights and dancing. It is inevitable, and these changes in your daily routine can mean changes to your relationship too. FamilyMeans Counseling & Therapy has seven tips for building a relationship that is stronger than ever.

1.      Communicate

It is important that you express your thoughts and feelings to your partner in a mature and constructive way. Communication is key to a successful and strong marriage. You will disagree at times, and face challenging topics. You may get emotional, but do not let your emotions take over the conversation. Recognize that it is ok to take a break and step away if you need to.  

2.      Listen

Being a good listener is just as important as being a good communicator. Give your partner undivided attention by removing distractions such as cell phones or televisions, make eye contact, and try to understand their point of view.

3.      One-on-One Time

Make time for each other no matter how busy your schedules are. Set a time of the day for just the two of you to be together and unwind. Do this every day if possible! Even a few minutes of one-on-one time without distractions can do wonders!

4.      Finances

One of the biggest stressors in a marriage comes from managing finances. It is important that both of you agree on how and where to spend your hard earned money. Having a set budget and plan helps. Visit FamilyMeans’ Financial Solutions page for guidance on starting a budget, or set-up a meeting with a budget/debt counselor.

5.      Rules and Boundaries

Establishing rules and boundaries for your children is important for them to grow and succeed. Be sure that you and your partner are in agreement as to what those rules and boundaries are. Stick with them! You both must be consistent in upholding these rules for them to be effective.

6.      Take a Timeout

You are going to have days that are harder than others, and it is going to be hard work. It is ok to take a timeout to gather your thoughts and feelings. Spend some time alone, go for a walk, meditate, do something to ground yourself. When you return, you will be able to take on the situation in a clearer light.

7.      Teamwork

Don’t forget that you and your partner are a team, and teams work better when they are working together! Support each other and work through life’s challenges using a team mentality. You will find that coming to solutions will be easier and you will feel better about the journey you went on together to get there.

If you find the relationship between you and your partner wavering, FamilyMeans can help. Our therapists help couples identify issues and build upon strengths to get you back to where you want to be. Visit FamilyMeans.org or call 651-439-4840 to get started today.